Step-Mothers Blog | Mindfulness | Elk Grove, CA 95757

Ok, so 2020 has been a series of events that have all of us feeling well downright tired. Whatever your view or political party affiliation, I think we can all agree that this year’s political season has left us with a sense of uncertainty and concern about what will happen post-election. Will there be civil unrest? What will happen with healthcare?

There is so much to think about, and yes, our country’s future and how we live are at stake. No wonder we are experiencing more anxiety and more fatigue? I would like to share some tips for taking care of yourself on election day to ease any unpleasant emotions you may have and get you through the day with as little stress as possible.

Take charge of media consumption:

Be intentional about your choices.
Be aware of which media outlets and formats you select.
Be mindful of the impact that watching the news, versus reading the news, versus listening to the radio has on you specifically.

Notice how each format makes you feel. Some outlets are redundant in how they present the news; usually, 15 mins of televised news is enough for an update; after that, it will usually be the same information.

Count to 10 slowly before looking at social media. Check-in with yourself to identify “What exactly am I looking to get from checking social media?” Sit with the question for a few moments, then decide if you want to browse or not.

Stay true to you. Avoid allowing the intensity of the moment to be an excuse for bad habits. Keep your routine the same; refrain from setting up a “watch party” to stay up on the results. Instead, go about your day as usual and check-in from time to time on the results.

Engage in a process-oriented activity. Get lost in a good book, an art project, or write some thoughts down about how you are feeling. Create space to spend time with your family playing a game, taking a walk, or just catching up on the day’s work and school activities.

Be compassionate to yourself. This is a big one! Knowing what your “fill line” is, is essential. Pay close attention to how you are feeling emotionally throughout the day. Remind yourself of what is inside your circle of control and what is outside your circle of control. If you notice you are feeling tense, try this “STOP.”

S: Literally stop moving

T: take a physical or mental step back and take a breath

O: Observe what is going on around you to stay present with yourself and observe what is going on inside of you so you can engage in a self-soothe activity.

P: Proceed forward with a clear mind, and determine how you will be kind to you. It can be a grounding statement, or it can be listening to music, or a great podcast unrelated to the election.

October 9, 2020

A few months ago, I was picking up a cup of coffee at a local mom and pop coffeehouse and as I will typically due, I scanned the walls to survey pictures, flyers, etc. and came across a quote that read “If your spirit is dampened, don’t be discouraged. Without moisture nothing will grow.” -Rob Ma. I thought this was such a powerful quote that can be applied to intimate partner relationships.
While it is common for couples to run into difficulties, or for relationships to become stale, you don’t have to wave the white flag and surrender to it. Quite the contrary, couples who put in the effort to work on reconnection often find a deeper more meaningful relationship.
If you would like to build intimacy with your partner, here are some easy ways to start that journey:

Be Curios About Your Mate
I see it all the time in counseling sessions with couples, I will ask a question and one of them will answer and then BOOM there it is that look of shock and the response “I never knew that.” Sometimes that’s good, and other times not so much. What’s important to know here, is that we either are married to, or in relationship with a person who had a whole entire life before we met them. Taking time to intentionally have conversations that include asking about what “makes you tick” are wildly informative, and help your mate feel seen, heard, and valued. A well-known Pastor in the Cleveland, OH area once shared a story that he noticed a mark on his wife’s arm and asked about how she got it. That turned into an all-night conversation that enriched their marriage and their friendship. If you want to build emotional intimacy in your relationship, be curious about your partner.

Be intentionally vulnerable
Even if you have been with your mate for years, it can still be hard to let down your personal walls. While you can not force one another to be more vulnerable, what you can do is be more vulnerable yourself. Often exposing our feelings can be scary, even if we are exposing them to ourselves. Yet, by acknowledging and accepting how we feel is critical to how we show up for ourselves, and for others. Start small with something like what was the best/worst part of your day and how you feel about it. If you want to build emotional intimacy, start with being willing to be intentionally vulnerable by sharing yourself with your partner.

Have Fun
So, who said building intimacy had to be all work and no play? When couples meet, they usually spend a lot of time together doing things that are FUN! If you all have not engaged in some good old fashion fun, then I encourage you to do so. Having fun together is one of the best ways to reconnect, and rediscover why you were attracted to your partner. You may even discover some new things about one another and refresh your relationship. If you want to build emotional intimacy, have some fun.

For some couples, building intimacy can require even more work, especially if there are trust issues. In these cases, working with a couples’ therapist can help partners feel safe enough to work through their issues so they can reconnect.
If you or someone you know is interested in exploring therapy, please contact me. I’d be happy to discuss how I can help.

Election Day Self-Care

3 Ways to Build Emotional Intimacy With Your Partner

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